his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
