Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
