fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Me too!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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