We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just had sex on a roof
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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