New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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