I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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