why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
