also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
