I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
