Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
