OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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