made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
