i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
