Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize