I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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