im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
