You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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