She said her name was "party"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
