I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
