Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize