Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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