Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
