first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
