We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
