she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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