neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
