I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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