there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Houston, we have a squirter
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
