Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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