You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
