I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
