the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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