Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
