I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize