Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
