Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
