You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
