i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
