She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
