you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
