i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize