eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
