just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
