He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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