I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
