Sry I called you an 8
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
