Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
