woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
a search helicopter?!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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