McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was like eating out sand paper
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
