A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
