I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize