I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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