I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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