Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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