Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
