its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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