No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize