R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
