my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
