just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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