I must be too annoying 4 u.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So vagazzling was a success
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
