Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Two words: nipple clamps
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