Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
