I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
