I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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