Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
