I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I could fuck to npr.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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