Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
