Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
