New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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