Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Randomize
