i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
