So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize