No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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