Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
