Where is the hickey?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
