theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
