Umm I'm too high to move.
She said her name was "party"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
