I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you never un-have a 4some
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
