Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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