Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
PANTIES FOUND
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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