the condom got lost in my hair
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I party with great urgency now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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