Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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