It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
