my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
