god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
