I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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