he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
