Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
