Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
