Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
