Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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