Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
