Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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