is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
