Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
