This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
