okay pat passed out under dana's car
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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