Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need moral support for this bender
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
