Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
