I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
