there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
