he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
