Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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